I spent nine months in the hospital with our strong heart warrior. During this time, my emotions were big and out of control and sometimes even scary. Honestly, the big feelings came as I sat in my OBGYN’s office and heard the words, “We only see two chambers of his heart.” Months later, grief took up residency in my heart when our precious boy passed away. My heart shattered, and I lived in the pit of despair for quite a long time. There are a few things that helped me as a heart mom and as a child loss mom. One is the community of other moms who had gone…
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Show Your Children Your Tears
Your suffering is powerful. Don’t hide it from your kids. Suffering and grief can often make us feel weak. The tears come more easily and our hearts seem vulnerable to even more pain. Whether it is a break in a relationship like a divorce, a loss of a career, a physical illness, or the loss of someone you love with all your heart, suffering affects us as people but also as parents. The other hard reality is that suffering hits all of us. Rain falls on every head. No one is immune. There is no escaping it. So, how do we handle suffering and continue being “mom” or “dad” to…
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Connecting Our Children to Faith
As a mom, I have many things I desire for my children. I want them to have deep roots in our family life. I want them to be self-aware, to find something they love to do, to have true friends, to marry one day, and to have their own children. But, my main desire is for my children to have faith. Why is it important to connect our children to faith? It has taken me many years to realize that much of who I am today comes from a spiritual connection beyond myself. Faith affects my integrity, my work ethic, how I think of others, where I spend my time,…
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It’s STILL Mother’s Day
It’s still Mother’s Day. On this special day when you have outlived your child, it is still your day. You are still mama, mom, mum, mommy and you always will be. You are the one who aches for your baby, your child. You know all the little details of your baby. Your arms are empty but it is still Mother’s Day. Your heart is broken but it is still Mother’s Day. No one can explain why you have more days to live than your child was given. Just because you long for them doesn’t mean you are not to be celebrated today. It is still Mother’s Day. You deserve the title, mother.…
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What Should I Read in 2019?
I have always loved to read and I enjoy suggestions from good friends. I thought I’d share a few of favorite books that you might want to consider for your reading list this year. Women’s Group or Book Club If you are looking for something for a women’s group or book club, I would suggest Strong Women, Soft Hearts and Better Than My Dreams by seasoned counselor, Paula Rhinehart. Strong Women will allow you to look at different areas of your life like trust, vulnerability, and control. Better Than My Dreams talks about how life often doesn’t go how we thought but that God’s good plans just might surprise you…
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Signs of Grief
As we walked out of our temporary apartment just one mile from the children’s hospital, all I could do was marvel the happenings of normal life around me. We had rented this particular place to be as close to our son as possible. My husband and I were making our way once again to the cardiac intensive care unit but this walk was different from all the previous walks on this same route. We had lost our precious boy the day before to heart disease. I turned toward my husband and said, “They have no idea what we’ve just been through,” referring to the family on the sidewalk near us. Our routine walk to the hospital continued and it included going through…
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Ten Things You Can Do for a Family with a Child in the Hospital
What can I do for a mom whose child has been hospitalized? Cultural norms are often spelled out for us. When your close friend gets married, you might help with a bridal shower. When the time comes and that same friend has a baby, you may take a meal over to the family. When someone you care about loses a loved one, you mail a bereavement card to offer your condolences. But, there are some scenarios where you may feel paralyzed and unsure how to be most helpful to a friend in need. When a family ends up in the hospital with a child, their life is often in crisis mode. They likely can’t even articulate…
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From Loss to Adoption
“Our oldest was only nine months old when we found out that our second son, Hudson, was on the way. We were surprised in the best of ways. We started thinking about how close our boys would be growing up together and the money we could save with the hand-me-downs and shared toys. Everything changes when you find out you are pregnant. You start thinking in timelines and planning based on the arrival of this incredible bundle of joy. But, about halfway through my pregnancy, we found out that Hudson had a severe congenital heart defect called hypoplastic left heart syndrome. A few months after that diagnosis, we were told…
