I love traditions. As a young family, we are still deciding on traditions to build into the Christmas season. So far the last two years, we put up our Christmas tree the weekend after Thanksgiving and then drove around our town with hot chocolate while looking at the Christmas lights.
While I love to build memories with my family, I am always juggling the big emotions of Christmas fun with the heavy emotions as a mom of loss. It is impossible not to notice my son missing from each and every festivity and family photo. He is part of me and yet he is not here.
Just today as I notice the gifts under the tree, Hudson’s name is nowhere to be found. Yes, his name is on his stocking and on ornaments on the tree. But I have not wrapped one gift that says, “To: Hudson Love, Mama.” And, this makes my heart hurt.
To those of you who are hurting this Christmas, I am here to say, it is normal and okay that you hurt. Christmas is a time in the year where we pause and lift our eyes in gratitude for our big God who brought reconciliation to His people through a tiny baby. It is a time for singing and Christmas plays and jolly old St. Nick. But sadly, the pain of our lives does not disappear when the twinkling lights turn on.
Give yourself moments throughout this week to feel your loss, sadness, disappointment. Let those big tears fall and those cries out of your heavy heart. You do not have to pretend this Christmas that all is well when you actually feel like you are falling apart. Trust me, that as I approach my third Christmas without my son, I know it is better to let the tears fall ahead of time than to stuff them down to your toes. I promise that giving yourself just a few moments here and there to feel all the hard stuff will actually allow for genuine joy and laughter with your family and friends this Christmas. You can only hold it all in for so long. While holding it all in, you will feel that you have to fake your Christmas cheer. By exposing those raw places ahead of time, you give yourself permission to be fully present in the festivities that await you this week.
You may still find yourself with tears in your eyes but letting yourself feel the sadness today gives you the strength and permission to celebrate later. So, go hide in the bathroom for a few minutes, and cry your eyes out. Go for a drive and tell God how much you are hurting. Go for a cold walk and let out those thoughts that keep swirling in your head.
Whether you are walking through loss, disappointment, divorce, job loss, health issues, break-ups, infertility, or just the weight of this broken world, take the time this season to acknowledge the hurt. Christmas is actually the perfect time to acknowledge the sorrow in our souls and embrace the joy of God’s redeeming plan through Jesus.
Let it all out, my friends. Tears, cries, shouts! Let it out and then let yourself indulge in the love of Jesus, family, and friends. The beautiful thing is that Jesus came for the hurting. Christmas is for the hurting. So, Christmas is for you, my friend. It is all for you.
