I spent nine months in the hospital with our strong heart warrior. During this time, my emotions were big and out of control and sometimes even scary. Honestly, the big feelings came as I sat in my OBGYN’s office and heard the words, “We only see two chambers of his heart.” Months later, grief took up residency in my heart when our precious boy passed away. My heart shattered, and I lived in the pit of despair for quite a long time. There are a few things that helped me as a heart mom and as a child loss mom. One is the community of other moms who had gone…
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Show Your Children Your Tears
Your suffering is powerful. Don’t hide it from your kids. Suffering and grief can often make us feel weak. The tears come more easily and our hearts seem vulnerable to even more pain. Whether it is a break in a relationship like a divorce, a loss of a career, a physical illness, or the loss of someone you love with all your heart, suffering affects us as people but also as parents. The other hard reality is that suffering hits all of us. Rain falls on every head. No one is immune. There is no escaping it. So, how do we handle suffering and continue being “mom” or “dad” to…
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How Can I Help My Grieving Friend at Christmas?
The Christmas season comes with many fond memories and special traditions. Those affected by the loss of a loved one will need extra support as they face the holidays. It is so painful to embrace new traditions and experience old ones without those we love. It is also difficult to watch a friend or family member go through these waves of grief while also navigating the festivities of Christmas. You want to communicate that you love your friend and that you care about this significant loss. But how can you practically help a grieving friend face the holiday season? Over the last few years, I have learned a few simple…
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I HATED GOD
I feel incredibly vulnerable sharing this part of my heart but I know I am not the only Christian who has wrestled with loving God in the midst of despair. Here’s part of my story. As I stood on a bridge in Philadelphia, I looked down at the water and wept loudly. People were all around me as they were walking to work. It was a normal day for them. I called my pastor friend and somehow got the words out of my mouth. They came out without hesitation. “I hate Him. I HATE GOD!” I sobbed. I was realizing that my son was dying. I saw it in the doctor’s eyes as I ran…
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It’s STILL Mother’s Day
It’s still Mother’s Day. On this special day when you have outlived your child, it is still your day. You are still mama, mom, mum, mommy and you always will be. You are the one who aches for your baby, your child. You know all the little details of your baby. Your arms are empty but it is still Mother’s Day. Your heart is broken but it is still Mother’s Day. No one can explain why you have more days to live than your child was given. Just because you long for them doesn’t mean you are not to be celebrated today. It is still Mother’s Day. You deserve the title, mother.…
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What Should I Read in 2019?
I have always loved to read and I enjoy suggestions from good friends. I thought I’d share a few of favorite books that you might want to consider for your reading list this year. Women’s Group or Book Club If you are looking for something for a women’s group or book club, I would suggest Strong Women, Soft Hearts and Better Than My Dreams by seasoned counselor, Paula Rhinehart. Strong Women will allow you to look at different areas of your life like trust, vulnerability, and control. Better Than My Dreams talks about how life often doesn’t go how we thought but that God’s good plans just might surprise you…
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To Those Hurting This Christmas
I love traditions. As a young family, we are still deciding on traditions to build into the Christmas season. So far the last two years, we put up our Christmas tree the weekend after Thanksgiving and then drove around our town with hot chocolate while looking at the Christmas lights. While I love to build memories with my family, I am always juggling the big emotions of Christmas fun with the heavy emotions as a mom of loss. It is impossible not to notice my son missing from each and every festivity and family photo. He is part of me and yet he is not here. Just today as I…
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How Can I Help My Grieving Friend at Christmas?
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Signs of Grief
As we walked out of our temporary apartment just one mile from the children’s hospital, all I could do was marvel the happenings of normal life around me. We had rented this particular place to be as close to our son as possible. My husband and I were making our way once again to the cardiac intensive care unit but this walk was different from all the previous walks on this same route. We had lost our precious boy the day before to heart disease. I turned toward my husband and said, “They have no idea what we’ve just been through,” referring to the family on the sidewalk near us. Our routine walk to the hospital continued and it included going through…
