What can I do for a mom whose child has been hospitalized?
Cultural norms are often spelled out for us. When your close friend gets married, you might help with a bridal shower. When the time comes and that same friend has a baby, you may take a meal over to the family. When someone you care about loses a loved one, you mail a bereavement card to offer your condolences.
But, there are some scenarios where you may feel paralyzed and unsure how to be most helpful to a friend in need.
When a family ends up in the hospital with a child, their life is often in crisis mode. They likely can’t even articulate what their current needs may be.
I spent nine months in the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit with our precious son. During this extremely painful and confusing time, our community surrounded us in so many ways. We still cannot thank them enough for carrying us along. Because of such an extended hospital stay, I wanted to share some of the most helpful ways we were supported by family, friends, and even strangers.
10 Ways to Help a Family with a Child in the Hospital
- Pray: The family is completely exhausted, scared, desperate, and possibly at the end of their rope. They have little to no energy to pray for themselves. Pray for them often and be sure to let them know that you are praying. If you can, add the family’s needs to prayer emails at your church or in your community. If it is possible, keep up to date with the current situation with their child and pray specifically.
2. Send Money: Hospital life drains a bank account extremely fast. Like airports, food and supplies are priced higher than a regular restaurant or store outside of the hospital. Parking alone can cost $150-$200 per month depending on the city. If the family had to relocate to a hospital in another town or state, temporary housing costs are immediately a challenge on the family’s budget. If the care is long-term, many parents either have to take a leave of absence or lose their jobs altogether. A financial gift will lighten a very heavy load no matter the amount.
3. Send a Meal: Even small things like figuring out a plan for meals gets so overwhelming with a hospitalized child. You can easily use online sites like Seamless Web or Grubhub to order, pay, and tip from anywhere in the country. They will deliver it directly to the family at their temporary housing or at their child’s hospital room. You can also easily find a pizza or sub place near the hospital to deliver a meal and let you pay over the phone or online. A meal is a great way to help a family know they are not alone.
4. Send Notes of Encouragement: As a parent with a hospitalized child, it is extremely hard to believe words of encouragement or Scriptures of truth while in such a dark place like your child’s hospital room. Be a source of strength for your friend by sending Scripture and notes of encouragement. A quote or song lyrics can also be helpful.
5. Continue to Reach Out: Whether you send a text message, a voicemail, or a note in the mail, don’t stop contacting the parents. They are consumed with fear and dealing with doctors and specialists all day long so they may not reply but don’t back away. They need to know you care and that you are there for them no matter how long their child is hospitalized.
6. Take Care of the Family’s Home While They are Away: If the family is at a hospital out of town, it is extremely helpful if they have someone else thinking for their house. Even a family at a local hospital will be extremely grateful if they don’t have to worry about mowing the grass, checking the mail (and forwarding it), cleaning, and laundry.
7. Go by the Hospital! I know visiting your friends may be impossible depending on the family’s situation in the hospital and your family situation. But, if you are close to them and there is a way, go by and see them. If they are local, go even for a few minutes. It can feel like a never-ending war zone and like the rest of the world keeps spinning and doesn’t know you are at war. People stepping into the war zone makes you feel remembered and supported. If you can’t physically be with them, mention in a note that you are with them in your heart.
8. Send Money (or Gift Cards): I mention giving financially twice on purpose. While a homemade meal is wonderful and helpful, worrying about rent, house payments, medical bills, and so on makes a very painful situation of a hospitalized child even worse. If the family doesn’t have a fund, create one and get friends to give. The only way our family survived was standing on the shoulders of people who love us and gave financially. There many ways to send gift cards these days including through email.
9. Send Something to Make Them Laugh: I know it may seem a little strange to request sending something lighthearted, and it might not work for some people, but helping a hurting parent have a good belly laugh is a gift in of itself. A few friends were good at this for me and believe it or not, a voicemail left in a silly voice, made me laugh out loud as I had tears in my eyes walking to the hospital once again.
10. Share their Emotions: If you are grieving with the family, let them know. If you are thinking of them, let them know. If you cry about their child’s situation, let them know. It is so hard to step inside the pain of the situation but somehow it helps. It helps to know that others are feeling at least a portion of what you are feelingas the parent of a sick child.
A Few Bonus Ideas to Help Families with a Hospitalized Child
Help with Siblings of the Hospitalized Child
Send Care Packages
Schedule a Cleaning Service for their Home
Help with Pets
Send a Book
Buy a Subscription to Netflix or Hulu
Do Laundry
Remember Holidays & Birthdays
Posted in honor and memory of the strongest little man I’ve ever met, our son and heart warrior, Hudson.
