Your suffering is powerful. Don’t hide it from your kids.
Suffering and grief can often make us feel weak. The tears come more easily and our hearts seem vulnerable to even more pain. Whether it is a break in a relationship like a divorce, a loss of a career, a physical illness, or the loss of someone you love with all your heart, suffering affects us as people but also as parents.
The other hard reality is that suffering hits all of us. Rain falls on every head. No one is immune. There is no escaping it. So, how do we handle suffering and continue being “mom” or “dad” to these little people around us?
I’ve asked myself this question so much. We lost our youngest son to congenital heart disease four years ago yesterday. One of my biggest concerns has been the effects on our oldest son. He turned two just a few weeks before his little brother passed away. He was too young to understand the gravity of everything, but since then, he has become a big six-year-old with a mom whose tears fall easily and often.
At times, I can feel that my grief has made me a lesser mom. Suffering can deafen our ears to what is going on around us as we turn inward for survival and self-care. Right after part of my heart went to heaven, it was as if I was underwater listening to the world around me with muffled ears. My inner world moved slowly, and I grew tired quickly. Grief was heavy, and it took a toll on me.
But, I’m coming to a new place where I see all this brokenness and suffering as something that is becoming beautiful deep in my soul. I still hurt deeply, and I likely always will. My prayer is that as my son sees the tears, he will also see resilience, vulnerability, strength, and love. I know he is absorbing those things as he watches me navigate a world without his little brother. He sees a mom who hurts but who is also living authentically.
The broken places of your heart have intense power in the lives of your children. Don’t let the little lies that go through your head tell you otherwise. You are not a lesser parent because you hurt or grieve or have bad days.
Let your children see you when you are vulnerable and hurting. It will mean more when they see you take that next step towards living and loving. You are leaving a legacy of living a life of resiliency in a broken world. They will be better equipped to walk through suffering when it comes and they will know that their mom or dad made it through and that means that they can as well.
